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Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Of Chance and Revivial...


Chance:
a: something that happens unpredictably without discernible human intention or observable cause
b: the assumed impersonal purposeless determiner of unaccountable happenings
c: the fortuitous or incalculable element in existence

Revive:
a: to restore to consciousness or life
b: to restore from a depressed, inactive, or unused state : bring back
c: to renew in the mind or memory

(Merriam-Webster Online)

While I am sure that there has been reams and reams written (those poor trees that were felled to do so...) about chance, I am nonetheless surprised at just how much it affects us all. Why this came back to the top my mind is the recent revival of at least a couple of my friends' blogs, in addition to mine. Seems like, once one started, we picked up. Now, where exactly does chance come in?

These are friends of mine from college, more specifically, from my hostel. This group of people thrown together in the same hostel - same wing - by complete random chance develops into a great band of friends. So much so that, it is slightly scary (to me, at least) to be imagining how life would have been if one of us (again, the paranoia strikes, what if it had been me?!) had been assigned to another hostel, or been granted admission in another college... Chance.... aahhh!

Now, there would be many who would say "Yes, even given that these people are thrown together by chance, they still chose to be one another's friends, didn't they?" Well, could it not have been pure chance (again) that threw such similar-minded people in such close proximity? I guess we could go around in circles on that one...

Then there would be those who call it Destiny. I don't know. Maybe, maybe not. But then, having seen at least one strong example of a purely random exchange leading to a life-long bond of love, I am open to fatalistic arguments now... anyone game?

Whatever, chance, choice or destiny, I am grateful. For a few things in life... actually, as I am slowly beginning to realize, for a lot of things in life... most of them results of apparent chance...

Isn't this post a bit early for Thanksgiving?

PS: The blog revivals referred to are of Anurag's and Anil's. Check them out, if you are anyone other than those two. If you are one of those two, check the other's blog, dufus!

PPS: Oh yeah! Happy Halloween! :)


Friday, October 26, 2007

Lost Opportunities


That would practically sum up most of the (almost) quarter of a century of my existence.

I have always been a rather-disinterested-in-life kind of a guy with regards to most stuff. Scratch that; I was different once. So what happened?

While I was in college, it took me a good part of three years to realize that I have been missing out on quite a lot of stuff that I could have been doing. I can only blame the misdirected cynicism that one develops at IITs for this. And, I am not talking about academic stuff - that would take a whole different and lengthy rant. I slogged my ass off for two years to get into those hallowed portals. Now what? I looked for some rest, and got quite a bit of it - time that might have been spent doing something, getting involved in something was effectively lost. You know what this leads to? One slowly starts losing interest in everything - and it sneaks up on one. That's a pretty gloomy place to be in, believe me. I did have time to make amends, and I did do that to an extent. At the end, given that those were still the best days of my life, I left with the feeling that I should have done more.

Change scene to OSU. Same story. Of course, it was sooner that I realized I am not making full use of all the opportunities that I have available here in the USA as a 'temporary alien'. I think this has been a more productive time in my life than IIT was. But still, that nagging sense that there's something more I could be doing... There's this line from Fight Club. Brad Pitt's character asks "if you were to die right now, how would you feel about your life?", and Ed Norton's character replies "I don't know[...]". Yeah, me neither...

A friend of mine recently said: "Updates from you, it's like watching The Bold and The Beautiful. I tune in after three months, and I haven't missed much." So true, and pretty sad, I guess. I guess I know what I feel about my life right now. Even if others feel it's like some stupid soap opera that no one cares about, I shouldn't feel the same way about my own life...

They say that life is the best teacher there is. What if I am a bad student? Well, at least now I am just a slow learner instead of being a bad student...

Post-Script: This post was typed up after a week that saw four night-outs, three of which were consecutive. Please do not read too much into this, or how reflective this might be of my general state of mind. I just feel tired, but that's just for now.