The Life of Me

That would practically sum up most of the (almost) quarter of a century of my existence.

I have always been a rather-disinterested-in-life kind of a guy with regards to most stuff. Scratch that; I was different once. So what happened?

While I was in college, it took me a good part of three years to realize that I have been missing out on quite a lot of stuff that I could have been doing. I can only blame the misdirected cynicism that one develops at IITs for this. And, I am not talking about academic stuff - that would take a whole different and lengthy rant. I slogged my ass off for two years to get into those hallowed portals. Now what? I looked for some rest, and got quite a bit of it - time that might have been spent doing something, getting involved in something was effectively lost. You know what this leads to? One slowly starts losing interest in everything - and it sneaks up on one. That's a pretty gloomy place to be in, believe me. I did have time to make amends, and I did do that to an extent. At the end, given that those were still the best days of my life, I left with the feeling that I should have done more.

Change scene to OSU. Same story. Of course, it was sooner that I realized I am not making full use of all the opportunities that I have available here in the USA as a 'temporary alien'. I think this has been a more productive time in my life than IIT was. But still, that nagging sense that there's something more I could be doing... There's this line from Fight Club. Brad Pitt's character asks "if you were to die right now, how would you feel about your life?", and Ed Norton's character replies "I don't know[...]". Yeah, me neither...

A friend of mine recently said: "Updates from you, it's like watching The Bold and The Beautiful. I tune in after three months, and I haven't missed much." So true, and pretty sad, I guess. I guess I know what I feel about my life right now. Even if others feel it's like some stupid soap opera that no one cares about, I shouldn't feel the same way about my own life...

They say that life is the best teacher there is. What if I am a bad student? Well, at least now I am just a slow learner instead of being a bad student...

Post-Script: This post was typed up after a week that saw four night-outs, three of which were consecutive. Please do not read too much into this, or how reflective this might be of my general state of mind. I just feel tired, but that's just for now.